April 1, 2014
I wanted to do a blog to talk about the things that are in my heart. To discuss the things that I don't always tell other people in normal conversations. The struggles of being a good wife and parent, my career goals and desire to adopt a child. So here I go....
In this Lenten season I've been trying to make an effort to spend time with the Lord, quiet time. This is not an easy task with two small children and I don't get to do every day but I find that it is just what my soul needs. I've never been one who really likes to sit down and read so I got "The me I want to be" by John Ortberg on audio book. I'm really enjoying it. He says so many things that feel profound to me that I have a hard time writing my notes down fast enough.
Adoption has been on my heart for awhile but really kicked into high gear when I saw a Facebook friend was following a christian run foster home in china called New Day Foster Home. I have since become slightly obsessed and love to follow all of their post of the sweet children. The children there have special needs and life-threatening conditions yet they take them from the orphanages and raise money to help these children thrive. The change that you see in the children from the time they arrived to the time there eventually adopted is amazing. It just shows me that with time and love and effort the people who seem hopeless come back to life. This to me is just a powerful example of God's love for us and what he can do for us if were willing to be open to Him. This has taken the spark of desire to adopt and turned it up to a giant burning flame for me. My desire to adopt feels like a wildfire that is taking over the forest of my heart. I think about it every day all throughout the day. I know it sounds completely crazy to be thinking about adoption when I just had my second biological child 11weeks ago but I just feel this is what the Lord is calling me to do. He put this desire in me and when the time was right He turned it up.
I have always wanted to adopt from China. After Stephen and I saw a documentary called "It's A Girl" it just solidified that China or India will be the place that we should adopt from and that it would be a girl. Sadly it's pretty difficult to adopt a child from India so that his enrolled out and we are focusing on China. I'm starting to contact friends and acquaintances that have adopted or will be adopting a child for advice and who they use their adoption agency. I know this will be a long road to our child but I know this is what the Lord has called us to do. We will just have to trust the Lord that he will help provide us with the means to pay for an international adoption. I pride myself on being self-sufficient and don't enjoy asking others for help but I know that in the future the Lord will likely ask us to be humbled and to ask others for help this process. I'm not sure what that will be or what it will look like but I know that I just need to be willing to follow God's lead in bringing our daughter home. I am most certain that he is going to grow me inpatients through this whole process. Patience is something I have never been good with and continue to struggle with daily. This will be tough because there is a lot of waiting and it can take anywhere from 2 to 6 years for us to get our daughter from China.
When I was listening to "the me I want to be" today John Ortberg said some things that really struck me. Here are the key phrases that spoke to me...." love is mostly something you do not what you feel. Love brings the power to become the me I want to be. Love releases life. Being connected helps us flourish. Our soul is nourished by people. We hunger for joy. Everyone needs a cheering section. " I know that Stephen and I are meant to be a cheering section to a little girl from China. To love, cherish and encourage her like our Father does for us. I'm so excited about her and can't wait to have her be a part of our family. I am reluctant to sometimes discuss my feeling and excitement about adoption for fear of opposition. It's so near to my heart and special to me I don't want those I love to try to steal my joy in this due to a desire to help or be practical. I think sometimes The Lord asks you to do things that aren't always practical but the key is to trust and follow him so that is what I'm tying to do.
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